Summer's Shenanigans

Okay, I'm FINALLY blogging about my trip to Costa Rica. I know it's been 10 days since I've been back, but I had to deal with my least favorite holiday, "Bastardized American Christmas" (more on that later...). So any who, Costa Rica is an incredibly awesome place and I decided to plan a trip to show my friends the Costa Rica goodness (or "Pura Vida", if you will). Surprisingly enough I talked 11 other people into going on this trip!! So it was definately a handful. Here is a pic taken in Tamarindo after we met up with Carrie, Diza and Kristen:

From left to right we have: Matt "Guaro" Armijo, Karrie "Stealth Puker" Noble, Erik "Spider Hunter" Hatchett, Summer "The Tour Guide" Hogan, Diza "Croc Bait" (hmm, I don't know her last name!), Carrie "The Smuggler" Madariaga, Kristen "Sleeper" (another unknown last name), Heather "Paparrazi" Vallentyne and Doug "Sleepwalker & Doog Fresca" (why the hell am I blanking on last names?!). Oh wait, I just realized we are missing Josh "Girl Scout" Lanahan for this pic.

December 10th, 2004 - Day 1
We arrived in San Jose, Costa Rica at 11pm. San Jose is a shit hole, so I wanted to flee that town ASAP, so I picked up the rental car and told the rental agent that I would be driving to Playa Hermosa that night. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me there was no way I would make it to Playa Hermosa. Hmmm, great. Thanks for the vote of confidence! So, I started driving towards the coast I definately realized why he thought I wouldn't make it. It's fucking DARK in Costa Rica. If you're lucky enough to happen upon a street sign, you don't even see it until you've passed it. Plus, the freeways don't have directions. There is no 26 North or 26 South, just 26 towards (enter obscure little town here). Luckly, I have been to Costa Rica before and we DID make it to Playa Hermosa by 3am. Unfortunately, every hotel was closed, so we had to go into Jaco and stay at a resort for $100 a night (which is REALLY expensive for Costa. Most hotels we paid $6 - $9 per person per night). In the morning we had our 1st Costa Rican breakfast and DAMN they have some good food down there. Then we hung out at the pool, got shitfaced and went surfing at Playa Hermosa. Playa Hermosa is the most consistent break in Costa Rica and I can say that I have NEVER been disappointed when I have surfed there. As a matter of fact, I got some of the best waves of my life. It was insane...TOO BE CONTINUED!

Today at 3:22pm, Harold passed on to that big aquarium in the sky...Harold lived a rough life, swimming from foster home to foster home, but he always managed to have a smile on his fish lips. Actually, no, I'm just being nice. He was a bastard of a fish. Perhaps he just felt unloved since I was his 4th or 5th owner, but he was a trouble maker for sure. Definately a fighter, that crazy fish. His previous owner told me how he jumped out of the tank and lay on the carpet for HOURS (while the dog licked him nonetheless...) before being put back in the water and he still survived. Can you believe that Harold was 9 YEARS old!? Any how, he didn't go down with out a fight! I was on the phone with a customer when all of the sudden...SPLASH, CRASH, SLAM, SLAM, SPLASH, CRASH, POW, WAP, CRASH...He was freaking out and I seriously though he was going to break the tank (mind you, this ain't no flushable fish. Harold was at least 8" - 9" and had some serious weight behind him). I peeked out of the office in time to see the downward spiral. It was really sad. Here is an artists rendition of Harold now:

R.I.P. Harold the Fish

You have to check out these CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. Not only are there a super whole bunch of them, but you can control them via the webcam! Flip them on and off a bunch of times and annoy poor Aleks' neighbors...haha!

http://www.komar.org/cgi-bin/xmas_webcam

This trip is totally sneaking up on me! I'm leaving for Costa Rica in 2 DAYS! I feel totally unprepared, but I can't wait to surf the WORLDS longest left at Pavones. This is the general plan...Josh, Carrie N, Matt, Erik, Heather, Doug and myself are flying in on December 10th. We are heading straight over to Playa Hermosa (the one by Jaco) for a couple of days, then barn storming down to Pavones for a couple of days. Next we are going to hit up Manuel Antonio National Park on our way to meet my brother, Yelena, Carrie M, Kristen and Diza at Volcano Arenal to relax in the hot springs at Tabacon resort. Then we plan on spending the rest of our time on the beaches of the Nicoya Peninsula. Whew! I also plan on drinking a decent amount of Imperial, eating muchos casados, chasing monkeys and surfing at least twice every day! PURA VIDA!!

Okay, I can't stand malls to begin with, but the 100's of cell phone kiosks make the mall UNBEARABLE. I almost fucking lost my mind yesterday. I was starving and couldn't think of anything good to eat, so I decided to go to the mall because I thought there was a Sbarro and I wanted some baked ziti (mmmmm...baked ziti...). Enter the mall, immediately happen upon cell phone kiosk #1. Accidently make eye contact with a sales person and am immediately bombarded with sales pitch after sales pitch. I'm not even standing within close proximity to the stupid booth and this guy is shouting at me. Now, if that wasn't bad enough, there are close to 20 of these stupid cell phone kiosks all over the mall and they are all yelling at people like carnies! "Excuse me miss...", "Who do you have cell service with...", "Where did you get that belt buckle, wanna buy a phone...", "Christmas is coming up, you should buy phones for your family...", "HEY...". Keep in mind that I am NOT shopping for a cell phone, I'm nowhere near the kiosk and I'm avoiding eye contact with all of these sales people (I thought that would help...) and they continue to yell at me as I'm walking down the mall. So to all you mall cell phone salespeople:

I'M SHOPPING FOR BAKED ZITI YOU STUPID FUCK AND WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT ALREADY HAVE A GOD DAMN CELL PHONE!!

p.s. BTW, there wasn't a Sbarro in that mall any more and after all that I left the mall empty handed, a grumble in my tummy and visions of strangling people with cell phone power cords...

Okay. Let start out by saying AMERICANS ARE FAT ASSES. But, the best part is that there is always an excuse..."I'm just big boned" or "I have fat genes" or "I have chronic fatique disorder, so I'm too tired to excercise" or "(insert lame excuse here)". News flash!!! It's the fuckin' McDonalds cheeseburger you ate for lunch and then the last 5 hours you spent sitting on your ass watching TV and eating Doritos didn't help either. I always get so annoyed when fat people tell me, "your so lucky that you're naturally thin". Oh yeah, your right...The 2-5 miles I run 4-5 days a week and the fact that I don't eat fast food have nothing to do with it. Yep, pure luck (and the desire to not be slovenly).

So, this brings us to my point (almost) and to a rad little thing called "Vanity Sizing". Vanity Sizing is when US clothing manufacturers put smaller sized labels into bigger sized clothes. For example, measure the waist of your pants and compare that to the size on the label. Does a size 36 pant measure 36", you bet your booty that it does NOT. If you're wearing a size 36, the actual waist size will usually measure some where between 38" - 42". And, since I sell belts on the internet, this brings us to our:

"Stupid Email of The Day!"
Here is the 1st email I got from Aaron Phillips of Corvallis, Oregon:
"Alright, so I got the belt today and it way doesn't fit. Your auction says a medium fits size 34-38 and I am a 34 and it DOES NOT fit me. So I was wondering if there is any way to echange this for a larger size. Thanks."

I so kindly responded with:
"Hello there,
Sure thing. Just send the belt back to:
Vicious Enterprises
3120 Madison St
Carlsbad, CA 92008
Please include a note indicating what size you'd like to exchange it for and $3 to cover return shipping. Hope that helps!
Cheers,
Summer
Vicious Enterprises"

The next email I got from Aaron:
"well its too late, I already gave it to a friend whom it will fit. I think that is rediculous though that you would charge me to ahve you replace it when it was your fault that it was advertised to fit a size that it doesn't. But no biggy im still going to give you positive feedback because of the quick service. I just hope you werent delibritly being misleading. have a good one."

I responded with:
"Hi Aaron,
I wouldn't charge you if the size in the auction was wrong. You'll notice that I specify sizing in actual measurements and the medium will indeed fit 34" - 38" (I measured it myself). The problem here is a little something called "Vanity Sizing", which is basically when clothing companies put a smaller label into bigger clothes. In the USA, a size 34 is not actually 34" any more. If you don't believe it, measure the belt, or the waist on your size 34 pants. I hope that helps and thanks for the feedback!
Cheers,
Summer
Vicious Enterprises"

This next email from Aaron is where it starts getting good (and pretty damn funny):
"hey dickhead, the problem with the belt is that it is too small not
too big. If anything, I have a bigger waist then a 34 which is the
size my pants say so dont talk to me like im some moron. Also I gave
the belt to a friend of mine who wears a 32 and it just barely fits
him. So either you mislabled this belt or you are completely fucking
retarded."

Now, normally, I try to contain myself because many people are just really dumb, but today, I was over it, so here is the email response I sent:
"Your email is *so* funny! Perhaps you should read my email again "dickhead". Yes, I realize the belt is too small for you, but it's not too small for someone that has a 34" - 38" waist (perhaps you are confused..." <--- that symbol right there means inches). Now you are telling me that you have a bigger waist then a size 34 (no kidding), but in your 1st email, you claimed to be a size 34? Let me explain Vanity Sizing to you again, since you obviously didn't understand (putting a SMALLER size label in to BIGGER size pants). Clothing companies will put a size 34 label into a pair of pants that waist measures 37"-39" (usually around there). So, measure the belt and don't ACT like a moron and I won't have to talk to you like one.
Cheers,
Summer
Vicious Enterprises
p.s. You made my "stupid email of the day"...Congrats!
http://www.viciousenterprises.com/summersblog "

I just got back from riding Bear Mountain in Big Bear, CA and the conditions are perfect! It was sunny, nice base, didn't get slushy at all and no crowds. The jumps were pretty perfectly groomed and I even pulled my 1st 180 (it wasn't pretty, but I landed it, damn it). Also, I got many compliments on my rhinestone studded googles. Oh yes, you heard me right I hand-set 100's of swarovski crystal rhinestones on my Spy googles. You could see me blingin' all the way down the mountain (by the way, I am totally kidding when I use the word "blingin'"...). I forgot my camera, so no pics this time, but there will be plenty of trips to come. Here are some pictures from last season to keep you busy:
This is the cabin in Big Bear that I lived in.
A beautiful day at Bear Mountain resort!
This is me fending off bears with giant icicles...
Yes, 99% of my friends are guys =).