Summer's Shenanigans

Have you seen my Kuta?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Flying Dogs!


With the help of my brother, I dropped Kuta and Monkey off at the airport at 7:30am so they could catch their flight to Puerto Rico. I've been watching them all day (I love the internet!) and they are getting close to landing in San Juan, Puerto Rico! Yay! Here is their current location:



Stefan is driving to the airport right now to pick them up. I hope they are having an okay flight. I can't wait until they are safe and sound in our new yard in Puerto Rico!

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Puerto Rico House

I can't believe how much work has been completed on the house in Puerto Rico! In two weeks it has gone from this:



to this:



I'm totally excited, but it also makes me sad that I havn't been there to help. I'm still working on packing up the house (it's quite laborious sorting through Stefan and my crap, eliminating 95% of it and packing the rest), but I'll be heading back down to PR on Thursday. Yippy!

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Saturday, July 21, 2007

Madonna

Madonna really is truely a badass. The fact that she has remained on top of her game for 20+ years is something that I can't say I've seen ANY other artist do. She has reinvented herself and her music so many times, but each change has been totally appropriate and still "Madonna".

Check out her "Like a Virgin" video from the 80's:


Now check out Madonna performing "Like a Virgin" on her latest tour:

Powered by AOL Video


Hot.

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Celebrity Beauty Secret

The most important beauty secret used by all major celebrities? A good photoshop artist.

On the left is Redbook magazine's cover featuring a "picture" of Faith Hill and on the right is the actual photo:


Can you spot the differences? They erased Faith's under eye bags, airbrushed her smile lines (and entire face), thinned her left arm, add a right arm to the picture, removed her collarbone, removed the back flab that her dress is cutting into and fixed her posture.

I don't even know why magazines even stage these elaborate photoshoots anymore. They might as well save some money and scan a celebrities drivers license photo and photoshop it onto a stock body.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Paint Color for Guest Bathroom?!

I need help picking out a color to paint our guest bathroom...I think this is my favorite, but I don't know:



Our toilet, sink and bathtub are almond colored (shown in top left of picture) and the tile we are using is walnut travertine (shown at top right). The bathroom is small, so I don't want to go dark on the walls and I don't want to do a standard white color, because I think that's boring. Help!

More color choices here.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Monkey Anal Cream

I took Monkey to the vet today and her butt problem was exactly what I thought (gotta love the internet). Her anal sacs were full, which gives dogs a very uncomfortable feeling. Victor the vet tech, did the honors of putting his finger up her butt to "express" her anal gland ($20, well spent...) and even he seemed a bit grossed out when he was explaining to me that Monkey's sacs "were very full".

The vet also gave me a perscription for anal cream and I'm supposed to "apply a thin layer to rectal area twice daily for 10 days". WHAT? They didn't even give me any rubber gloves to go with the Monkey anal cream. Christ.

Stefan, I am Fex Ex-ing Monkey and her anal cream to you. She's YOUR dog, you know...(she's only our dog when she does cute stuff...).

Anal cream. Are you f-ing kidding me?!

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A Zorse?!

Look at this cool zorse! This is Eclyse and her mom is a horse and her dad is a zebra (Apparently they were accidentally introduced and mated at a ranch in Italy. Whoops!). Nonetheless, she's beautiful!

I saw this picture in a magazine and thought it was photoshopped, but it's 100% authentic. She looks like she should have a unicorn horn!

Here are is the story of Eclyse the zorse on Yahoo News

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I Am NOT Sticking My Finger in Monkey's Butt!

Monkey has been obsessively rubbing her butt on things lately (the bed, the wall, a post, a tree, a chair, my foot...you name it, Monkey has probably tried to rub her ass on it...), so I was searching around the internet to see what might be her problem. From what I've found, it seems like her "anal sacs" need to be emptied.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060923113835AAPyqHl

Excuse me? What?! I am not sticking my finger up Monkey's butt in search of her anal sacs, thank you very much! After reading the article above, these people are talking about emptying their dogs anal sacs like it's like giving them a bath. WTF. I have had dogs since I was born and never in my life have I ever had to stick my finger in a dogs butt.

Off to the vet with her...

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Monday, July 16, 2007

I Want a Typewriter

I was throwing together some graphics ( <---over there! ) for the "official" Vicious Enterprises blog and I realized this: I want a vintage typewriter!

Totally random, I know. Especially because this is a totally inappropriate time for me to want anything (in the past 3 days, I have donated or thrown away 90% of the things that I own in preparing to move to Puerto Rico). But, I still want a vintage, working, typewriter.

I remember using one at sometime in my childhood and typing on an old typewriter is actually fun. It's like playing a piano. You hit the key, which strikes the thingamabobber, which hits the ink strip with the letter that you want emblazoned on the paper. And you can't type too fast or else all of the key strokey thingys will trip over one another!

Old Typewriters are cool. And I want one damn it. Once I get one, I am going to write type Stefan love letters on it and type up my all important daily "To Do" lists on it...

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Friday, July 13, 2007

Freaky Lil Otter...

Go 'head girl, get your freak on...

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Kaziah Hancock - Project Compassion

My mom sent me this video because she is so impressed with what Kaziah Hancock is doing:

Kaziah is an amazing artist that paints portraits of soldiers that were killed defending our country. She then sends the artwork to the families of the fallen soldiers at no charge. Check out the video, Kaziah Hancock is quite a character. I love interesting people :).

If you like what Kaziah is doing, you can donate to support Project Compassion. Project Compassion is a certified non-profit organization and all contributions are tax-deductible.

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4th of July Party Animals

There is no work service today so I decided to catch up on my domestic duties. I shaved and washed Kuta:


That may not seem like a big task, but it took over an hour just to shave him. My dog has a lot of surface area! Then when I washed him, I got attacked by ants. Apparently they failed to complete their ark before I flooded their world...

I shaved an entire trash bag full of Kuta's hair off of him and he is so much happier now (it's been very hot). As I was cleaning up his hair, I thought I would recycle some of it and I made Monkey a toupe. She looks like a suave Albert Einstein!



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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Funny Fish Faces

Someone (I think it was my mom?) sent me these cool photos of fish painted on this couples faces:






Either these people are very creative (and have a lot of time on their hands) or they've been tripping on acid for a week straight...You decide. ;)

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Hoeing in Carlsbad

I've just completed my 6th day of "work service". Work service is a common part of probation that requires you to devote 8 hour days (7:30am - 3:30pm) to working for the city. If you are convicted of a misdemenor, chances are you will be required to complete 1 - 7 days of work service. Every day you show up at a pre-designated area at 7:30am and the probation officers divide the parolees into groups and distribute you across the county to do laborious tasks. So far I have:

Picked up trash at Escondido High School.
Picked up trash along a 5 mile stretch of the 78 freeway.
Hoed weeds in Spring Valley (in 90+ degree heat).
Hoed, raked and hauled weeds at the Palomar Airport.
Cut back iceplant (with a hoe), bagged tree/lawn clippings and swept Encinitas.
Hoed, raked and hauled an acre of tumbleweeds at Palomar Airport.

48 hours down, only 672 to go! Haha!

As I've mentioned before, I was sentenced to 90 days of work service (which after talking to all the other parolees/parole officers, I've been informed that 90 days is an absolutely absurd amount). It probably wouldn't be so bad had I actually commited a crime, but instead, I excerised my right to freedom of speech (or at least I thought I had a right to freedom speech in America. Unfortunately, I was wrong). Any how, I'm trying not to dwell on how I ended up in work service, so let's get back on track here...WORK SERVICE.

Work service is pretty damn entertaining.

I've hooked up with a couple of parole officers that always pick me to be on their crew (because they know I bust my ass) and they are good people that are just doing their job. Working for someone that is in a position of authority that doesn't abuse it has somewhat restored my faith in humanity. Actually, no. I take that back. I still think the majority of humans are walking sacks of shit that are miserable because they choose to be, but it does restore something in me.

I have also learned that I love hard work. Want me to pick up trash on the side of the freeway? Oh yeah? I'll pick up more trash than anyone else on the crew. GUARANTEED. I would MUCH rather work my ass off for 8 hours rather then sit around and do nothing for hours on end, which is what I see lots of people in work service do. Lazy is just something that does not compute with me. I've always known that about myself though. Unfortunately, people tend to judge me on my appearance which brings me to my next point.

The Paris Hilton factor.

I went to trial right after Paris Hilton was sentanced to 45 days in jail for violating probation by driving on a suspended license. I can't stand Paris Hilton. BUT, I also think Paris's sentance was a fucking joke. She was made an example because of who she was and the judge judged her by what he thought he knew about her (via tabloids and the media). The very 1st day of my trial, my lawyer was telling me how confident he was about the trial and I leaned over and said, "Yeah, I know. It's such a slam dunk case. I just hope I don't get the "Paris Treatment"...Funny enough, that's exactly what I got.

I've been compared to Paris Hilton more then once and quite honestly it annoys me. I know that when someone calls me "Paris" they mean it in the best way possible (we'll, usually...), but I think Paris is a dumb, skanky, trust fund baby that is not the least bit attractive if you take away her hair extentions, fake eyelashes, fake tan, blue contacts, stylist, make up artist and publicist. One of the parole officers calls me "Paris" and he told me that he didn't choose me for his crew the 1st day he saw me because he figured that I was "drama". He even called me out the 1st time I worked for him and said, "I want to see how you work". I know he was surprised that I ended up being almost completely the opposite of what he expected me to be like, after he judged me solely on the way I look.

Today one of the other girls that was on my work service crew (for her 2nd DUI) said to me, "Damn, you sure do have a good attitute for someone that got 90 days...". My reply to her was, "Well, I could be bitter and angry and make myself and everyone else here miserable, but I'd rather just laugh about the situtation.". I like to make people laugh, so I've found this to be a good opportunity to make work service at least a little bit more entertaining for everyone. Every day at least one person complains about how many more days of work service they have to do, so my story has become not only comic relief, but everyone feels better about the 10 days they have to put in, knowing that they didn't get nearly as screwed as I did...haha.

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